Don't Drink While You Read the WSJ

See what I mean?

Mystery Solved

Happy Chanukah!

In Praise of the Capitol Steps

On Friday, the Rockefeller Center and the Hopkins Center at Dartmouth presented The Capitol Steps, a political comedy troupe that tries to be "more ridiculous than whatever's in the news" and "put the mock in democracy." It's a tall order, but I think they managed just fine and provided welcome relief from the stress of primaries.

Here's a sampling of their work, on their YouTube page. Take a look at their website for more, particularly "Lirty Dies," which will sit your splides. You can also pick up their CDsat Amazon.

I haven't laughed that hard at something other than "what the kids just did" in a long time.

UPDATE: A contrary point of view in the student newspaper. Evidence of a generation gap?

The Social Security Coloring Book

It appears that I've been replaced by a coloring book, courtesy of The Stand-Up Economist. It's actually quite a good discussion of the policy issues. [h/t The Big Picture].

The Joys of Teaching Math

Sent along by a colleague:

The End of Winter

Winter is my term for teaching at Dartmouth. For me, teaching crowds out blogging in two ways. The first is time. Teaching pushes everything else aside, blogging included. The second is that teaching and blogging scratch the same itch--the desire for two-way communication of ideas. After today's exam, I expect the frequency of posting to pick up. In the meantime, here's the funniest idea that was communicated to me this Winter:

In Jerusalem, a journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Wailing Wall and there he was!

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, she approached him for an interview. "I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. Sir, how long have you been coming to the Wall and praying?"

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up in safety and friendship."

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"

"Like I'm talking to a fucking wall."

Tell me about it.

A More Clever WSJ

As ever, the Wall Street Jackass is just too funny for words.

Riding a Dead Horse

Has the slow-moving bureaucracy got you down? Here's some entertainment making the rounds on e-mail this week:

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that, "When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount."

However, in government (and in corporate America) more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:

1. Buying a stronger whip.

2. Changing riders.

3. Appointing a committee to study the horse.

4. Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride horses.

5. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.

6. Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired.

7. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.

8. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.

9. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase dead horse's performance.

10. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance.

11. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses.

12. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.

13. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position

Which of these do you encounter most frequently in your corners of the world?

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Hints for the Plains Traveler

I know I complain a lot about the hassles of modern travel. I picked up a pamphlet from a Wells Fargo History exhibit yesterday that adds a little perspective. From the Omaha Herald in 1877:

1. The best seat inside a stagecoach is the one next to the driver ... you will get less than half the bumps and jars than on any other seat. When any old "sly Elph," who traveled thousands of miles on coaches, offers through sympathy to exchange his back or middle seat with you, don't do it.
2. Never ride in cold weather with tight boots or shoes, nor close-fitting gloves. Bathe your feet before starting in cold weather, and wear loose overshoes and gloves two or three sizes too large.
3. When the driver asks you to get off and walk, do it without grumbling. He will not request it unless absolutely necessary. If a team runs away, sit still and take your chances; if you jump, nine times out of ten you will be hurt.
4. In very cold weather, abstain entirely from liquor while on the road; a man will freeze twice as quick while under its influence.
5. Don't growl at food stations; stage companies generally provide the best they can get. Don't keep the stage waiting; many a virtuous man has lost his character by so doing.
6. Spit on the leeward side of the coach. If you have anything to take in a bottle, pass it around; a man who drinks by himself in such a case is lost to all human feeling. Provide stimulants before starting; ranch whisky is not always nectar. Don't smoke a strong pipe inside especially early in the morning.
7. Don't swear, nor lop over on your neighbor when sleeping. Don't ask how far it is to the next station until you get there.
8. Never attempt to fire a gun or pistol while on the road, it may frighten the team; and the careless handling and cocking of the weapon makes nervous people nervous. Don't discuss politics or religion, nor point out places on the road where horrible murders have been committed.
9. Don't linger too long at the pewter wash basin at the station. Don't grease your hair before starting or dust will stick there in sufficient quantities to make a respectable 'tater' patch. Tie a silk handkerchief around your neck to keep out dust and prevent sunburns. A little glycerin is good in case of chapped hands.
10. Don't imagine for a moment you are going on a pic-nic; expect annoyance, discomfort and some hardships. If you are disappointed, thank heaven.

Not too much gets lost in the retelling. Good advice even today.

UPDATE: Some indication that the above may be fake but accurate.

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New Orleans Irrepressible

Via Quantum of Wantum and the Washington Post:



Read more here.

JibJab

They're back for a third round, just in time for the inauguration. The Spiridellis Bros. at JibJab, the creators of the hilarious, "This Land Is My Land," and the so-so follow-up, "It's Good To Be in DC," have produced another hit with, "Second Term." Every day should start with something this funny.

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Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid

It occurs to me that there are only 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don't.


Hat tip: T-shirt of the guy standing in line in front of me at the restaurant this evening.